I am an addict...

Okay...so I know, you are reading the title and judging me.  Go ahead, I don't give a crap.  I know that people look at people who call themselves 'food addicts' and laugh.  You think that it's not an addiction.  You think that it's just a joke.  Well let me tell you, it's so not a joke.  It is chemical, physical, and mental, just like alcohol/drugs addiction.  I know that to get healthy and beat this addiction it's going to take amazing crazy work...which I'm not sure I'm completely ready for.  I even sometimes think to myself that it's a joke, and why cant I just be 'normal'?  Why can't I just eat one piece of cake, or one serving of chips, or one piece of bread?  The same reason an alcoholic can't just take one drink of alcohol.  Addict. 

So I just needed to put that out there.  I'm so ready to beat this.  Prayers please. 

Thanks and much love!

I'm BACK!!!!!

Okay...so it's been 1 1/2 years since I've used this blog. Well it's time to start back. Here I am at 1.5 years later and I weigh MORE than I did the last time I was on here. It is pretty sad. I am watching the TV series, Ruby.  She's really inspiring! She does one thing I feel I definitely need to be doing...she writes in her journal.  I am going to try and use this blog as my journal. 

So, what have I been up to?  Well, lots of 'diets' again.  I even went to a bariatric surgeon and went through the steps to be set up for lap band.  I had my surgery date set for August 23 of 2011.  I called and cancelled.  I couldn't do it.  I have mixed feelings about me cancelling the surgery.  Sometimes I wonder how much I could have already lost if I had went through with lap band.  Although my feelings are mixed, I am mainly super glad I didn't go through with it.  I feel like I have too many issues to deal with and that the band wasn't the right choice for me at that time. 

I need to work on forgiving myself.  I am super hard on myself and see myself as a failure in so many areas of my life.  I need to work on loving myself.  I know that it is going to take this forgivemess of myself to be able to move forward in all areas.  I have even let my low self esteem put a barrier in between me and God. 

So, I'm not sure how many of you are still with me...but here I go.  Super long journey!  But it's going to start with one step...and it's going to be baby steps.  But as long as I'm moving I'm okay with that.