I'm BACK!!!!!

Okay...so it's been 1 1/2 years since I've used this blog. Well it's time to start back. Here I am at 1.5 years later and I weigh MORE than I did the last time I was on here. It is pretty sad. I am watching the TV series, Ruby.  She's really inspiring! She does one thing I feel I definitely need to be doing...she writes in her journal.  I am going to try and use this blog as my journal. 

So, what have I been up to?  Well, lots of 'diets' again.  I even went to a bariatric surgeon and went through the steps to be set up for lap band.  I had my surgery date set for August 23 of 2011.  I called and cancelled.  I couldn't do it.  I have mixed feelings about me cancelling the surgery.  Sometimes I wonder how much I could have already lost if I had went through with lap band.  Although my feelings are mixed, I am mainly super glad I didn't go through with it.  I feel like I have too many issues to deal with and that the band wasn't the right choice for me at that time. 

I need to work on forgiving myself.  I am super hard on myself and see myself as a failure in so many areas of my life.  I need to work on loving myself.  I know that it is going to take this forgivemess of myself to be able to move forward in all areas.  I have even let my low self esteem put a barrier in between me and God. 

So, I'm not sure how many of you are still with me...but here I go.  Super long journey!  But it's going to start with one step...and it's going to be baby steps.  But as long as I'm moving I'm okay with that.